What Happens in a First IFS Therapy Session? A Gentle Walkthrough
Most people feel some nerves before a first therapy session. Some feel a lot. If you’ve been thinking about reaching out for a while and something keeps getting in the way, it may help to know what the first session actually involves, so there’s one less unknown to carry in the door.
This is how a first session with me tends to go, whether we meet in person in Papakura or online from wherever you are in Aotearoa.
Before we meet
Once you’ve sent an enquiry, I’ll reply personally, usually within two working days, and we’ll arrange a time. If we’re meeting online, you’ll get a secure video link. If you’re coming to my rooms on Great South Road, there’s free parking for up to 90 minutes, so you don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to prepare anything. You don’t need to have your story in order, or know what you want to work on, or be able to explain why you feel the way you feel. Many people arrive with only a vague sense that something isn’t right, and that’s a perfectly good place to start.
The first few minutes
We’ll begin by settling in. I’ll check how you’re feeling about being there, because arriving at a first session is its own small act of courage and it deserves acknowledging.
I’ll explain how I work, and I’ll talk through confidentiality clearly, including the few situations where I would be required to share information. I’d rather you hear this from me directly than wonder about it.
Then I’ll ask what’s bringing you here. You can share as much or as little as feels comfortable. There’s no pressure to go into everything.
Getting to know your inner world
The way I work is grounded in Internal Family Systems, or IFS. At its heart is the idea that we all have different parts of ourselves. The part that gets anxious before a meeting. The part that’s critical when you make a mistake. The part that goes quiet and numb when things get too much. The part that keeps everyone else happy.
In a first session, I might gently notice a part as it shows up. If you say “I know I’m being ridiculous about this”, I may be curious about the part of you that thinks it’s ridiculous, and the part it’s talking about. We won’t go deep. We’re just beginning to map the territory, together, with curiosity rather than judgement.
Many people find this reframe alone brings some relief. The anxiety or the self-criticism isn’t the whole of you. It’s a part of you, with its own reasons, and it can be understood.
Working out whether we’re a good fit
Goodness of fit matters more than almost anything else in therapy, and a first session is as much for you to assess me as it is for me to understand you. Some of the things worth noticing: do you feel safe in the room? Do you feel welcomed as you are, without having to perform? Can you say something awkward or half-formed and feel it land gently?
You don’t have to decide on the spot. Some people know in the first session. Others take a few. Either is fine. I’d rather you take your time and choose well than feel rushed into something that isn’t right for you.
What we won’t do
We won’t dig into trauma before you’re ready. IFS is trauma-informed, which means we go at the pace your nervous system can manage, not the pace a timeline says we should. We won’t try to get rid of any part of you. And I won’t hand you a worksheet and send you off to fix yourself. The work we do is relational, and it happens between us, at your pace.
After the session
By the end of our first conversation, you’ll have a clearer sense of how I work and I’ll have a clearer sense of what you’re carrying. If it feels like a good fit, we’ll talk about a rhythm. I usually recommend weekly sessions, at least to begin with, because consistency is where the trust and the momentum come from.
If it doesn’t feel like the right fit, I’ll say so kindly, and where I can, I’ll point you towards someone who may be a better match. Your healing matters more to me than whether it happens with me.
A note if you’ve had therapy before
If you’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help, or it felt like it never got past the surface, you’re not alone. Many of the people I work with have been in therapy previously. IFS often feels different because it doesn’t ask you to fight your own mind. It asks you to get to know it. Bring that history with you. It’s useful, and it’s welcome.
Taking the first step
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to begin, and you’ve already started by reading this far.
I’m a registered clinical psychologist and IFS therapist, working in person in Papakura, Auckland, and online across New Zealand. If you’d like to explore whether we’re a good fit, I’d love to hear from you.